New year, same old stuff...

So Jake and I kicked off the new year by seeing a movie called "Juno", which is basically about a quirky teen getting pregnant and her strange journey that ensues. While funny and really a touching movie, it's definitely a sore subject with me, as anyone who knows me knows; pregnancy, that is. I left the theater in tears and found myself just completely despondent about the state of my life and the way I'd like it to be.

It's safe to say that at this moment, it's really hard for me to be thankful. I can't begin to tell you how heartbreaking it is to see everyone around me have kids and start families, and Miss Pathetic is over here with her cats and hating everyone and their picture perfect families. I feel like a defective toy. The hardest part is knowing that I'm really stuck right now because we have no insurance and Jake's job sucks and the insurance costs and arm and a leg and we really can't afford it at all right now. And the "promotion" they kept teasing him with has been put off at least for the next six months. So my hopes are pretty dashed right now. I just feel like I got left in the cold, and humanly I feel like I'm the butt of a cruel practical joke. I know that's not the attitude I'm supposed to have toward my Creator, but I can't help it. I'm at my most human when I go through this. I'd love to even adopt, but is that an option? Hell no. I can't afford legal fees and all of that when I've got a $30,000 student loan (that turned out to be useless, as I didn't finish school) to pay off every month. Sorry if this post is extremely depressing; it's meant to be. I feel extremely desperate at the moment and I really truly feel hopeless about ever having a child.